Two halves make one whole
by Whiskas395
Summary: What could go wrong, went wrong, and on top of that the BO knows. This is the real reason why Ran does karate.  NEW: ch3 edited and it's A LOT better! Evil cliff hanger
1. Two halves make one whole

**Hello :-)**

**Please, be aware that this is going to be a M-rated fic! Containing blood, drama and crucial misunderstandings, but also a lot of passion and love.**

**I listened to "Turning page – sleep at last" when writing this fanfic. It does something magic to the reading.**

**This first chapter contains a compressed summary of the original beginning of Detective Conan, which is important to understand my version of the story.**

**One more thing: Ran is always smiling and seems so outwardly strong, but we all know that this is just a facade. So while we see the facade in the anime, I've tried to catch her thoughts behind the facades in this story in her POVs.**

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><p><strong>Ch1, two halves make one whole<strong>

_They were old friends, Shinichi and Ran, had known each other since childhood. Shinichi always occupied by detective manners if not involved in some soccer game or other, and Ran, caring, loving Ran, sharing her homework with every class mate in need or making dinner for Kogoro - her father, the alcoholic detective who had no clue of simple housekeeping. Her parents had been separated for years and alcohol seemed to dull his pain._

_Shinichi had always wanted to be the greatest detective of his time, just like his big idol, Sherlock Holmes, and he was well on his way. He did not realize it, but his trust in his intuition was the thing separating him from all the other detectives – his instinctively knowing what to do and where to look._

_Although Shinichi and Ran were busy, their friendship had always been special, had a special connection, though they were not aware of that. They cared for each other, were a good team and they felt no need for being someone else in the other's presence. Ran had a short temper though, keeping Shinichi in line – they didn't pull their punches and their frequent shenanigans and friendly teasing often resulted in Ran getting mad, but it never lasted. She couldn't stay angry with anyone for very long._

_As they grew up something slowly changed, and at the age of 17 and 18, that special bond between them had somehow gotten an entirely new dimension. Something they had never experienced before, never even given a thought. They started to look at one another in a different light._

_Maturity. Desire. Love._

_They began to think of each other as attractive, young adults. Before they even knew it, they fell in love. Unfortunately none of them had the guts to tell the other, so they spent much time trying hard to ignore it._

_There, in the heart of Tokyo, was the biggest mystery of the century about to happen, but little did they know..._

One day, Shinichi finally manned up and invited Ran on a trip to Tropical Land, like they once used to. And it was then, when everything changed within the blink of an eye – from that moment, nothing would ever be the same. They went on a rollercoaster and enjoyed the speed until suddenly the rollercoaster raced through a tunnel and they heard a loud piercing scream to find out that one of the passengers had been murdered; decapitated! It all happened so quickly. Shinichi instinctively got on the case and left Ran in the chocked crowd as he spotted a suspicious looking person covered in black clothes and ran after him as he left the crime scene. Shinichi hid behind a building as he watched the mysterious man meet a presumable partner - or so he thought... In the next moment he felt a sharp pain from the back of his head and everything went dark as he fell to the ground, half unconscious. He barely noticed when the man in black who had hit him, made him swallow a pill designed for only one purpose – to kill him instantly. The Black Organization, to which the men belonged, was testing a new poison.

Moments later, Shinichi woke up and found himself laying on the ground with a massive headache and covered in much too big clothes. He slowly realized what had happened.

The pill hadn't killed him as it should – instead it had made him shrink into a little boy! It hadn't inflicted his brain though; he still had the memory of an 18 year old teen.

Almost in panic he rushed to his neighbour, professor Agasa, with whom he had a close friendship. The crazy, ingenuous inventor was probably the only one who could help him now. Agasa had a hard time believing the story, but when Shinichi caught him off guard and reasoned where the professor had just been by comparing clues on his clothes, which only a great detective could have figured out, the professor was astounded. Shinichi now wanted him to invent an antidote right away, but they needed to know what was in the pill that had made him shrink in order to do so. They agreed that if the men in black found out that he was still alive, they would come after him to try again and no one, not even Ran, could know of his secret. She would be in danger too if they knew they could use her as a hostage to get easy information.

Shinichi disguised himself with a pair of glasses and made up a new name for the boy he had become; Conan Edogawa, and it was arranged that he should stay with Ran to have access to the detective files of Kogoro, so that he would have a chance to find The Black Organization quickly and steal some of the poison for Agasa to investigate. It was a dangerous decision, but never the less the only possibility if he wanted his old body back.

A few months had passed since that fatal day at Tropical Land without any clue of the black clothed men's hide-out, but suddenly something interesting happened: Conan got sick from the flu and he was given a special Chinese schnapps – it not only cured the flu, it also made Shinichi appear in his own teenage body for a short amount of time! At that time he was with Ran and Kogoro, solving a case as Conan. Unfortunately the effect only lasted until he successfully solved the case, then he transformed into little Conan again.

-~o0o~-

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!_ A loud ringing sound announced that school time had ended and a storm of students immediately followed, rushing out of the buildings. Ran though stayed in the classroom for a while though, pretending to work on her homework. She couldn't overcome to face her father in this moment. Normally, Shinichi and she would walk home together...

Ran was in two minds. She had no idea what to believe. A million thoughts flew through her head, like tiny particles, which frequently collide with high speed in an explosion of epiphanies and elimination of the small conclusions, she thought she had gotten a hold on already. What on earth was going on?

First Shinichi runs away leaving her alone with no answers, then Conan came into her life and then that day, when he got really sick from the flu and all of a sudden just disappeared although obviously in deep pain... Moments later Shinichi showed up miraculously and snap! – after solving the case he was gone again, just in the moment when she found Conan again – in much too big clothes. Now that she thought about it, Conan really looked a lot like Shinichi, especially without his glasses...

_No, it is not possible_, Ran tried to convince herself. _That's absolutely not possible! ...But what other explanation would do?_ She sighed.

_Shinichi... If you just knew how I miss you then you probably wouldn't have left_, she thought to herself, tired of all the thinking. _Why don't you visit me once in a while? You can't be that busy... You really can't._

'_I've waited hundred years, I'd wait a million more for you...'_1 She stiffened when she heard the low sound of the turned on radio in one of the adjacent rooms and felt her throat tighten because of the text. Hot tears began to form in her eyes and blur her sight as she let go of her feelings. NO! She would definitely _not_ wait a hundred years for him! It wasn't fair... If he wanted her as badly as she wanted him, he wouldn't stay away this long. No, he would prioritize differently.

A sudden thought provoked butterflies to twitch in her stomach; now that she thought about it, had he ever shown more than friendly feelings towards her? Had he ever done anything to make her believe that he loved her? Had she made everything up on her own? She had really believed that there was more to their friendship than met the eye, but was it true? Well, actually she had no proof... Her jaw tightened. That could only mean one thing – he still saw her as a friend... Just a friend…

Burning tears poured down her rosy cheeks now that she had let them, and she couldn't hinder her hand in smashing the table with a loud crash in pure frustration.

A sudden voice from behind made her jump and turned the table over accidently. "Ran-chan, are you crying? Why?" The soft male voice asked as she realized to whom it belonged: the new guy in class, what was his name again? With a sleeve she quickly erased the evidences on her cheeks from her outburst of feelings. "I'm not crying", she lied. Of course her red eyes and throaty voice betrayed her.

The young man could not help smiling a little and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder. "It's okay Ran, you don't have to tell me. I just heard a loud hullabaloo and had to check if you were okay".

Ran looked at him again, this time noticing the warmth in his eyes and the kindness of his voice. How often had she not longed to see this worried expression on Shinichi's face? Longed to hear his caring voice... Little did she know that it was fake. He played his game with perfection.

"I'm sorry..." She tried, unable to remember his name. "Nakago2"_, _he answered with a smile. "I'm sorry Nakago, you just tried to be nice to me. I'm just tired I think..." She forced a smile on her face. The next thing he said made her eyes widen and her heart beat rapidly.

"I can understand if you miss him. It's hard to be separated from the one you love".

"S-sorry?" He had caught her off guard and he grinned as he answered: "I've only been here for a couple of days and yet I've heard a lot of rumours about you and that boy who has obviously left you alone for the sake of his own ego. Bastard."

At first Ran could not believe what he just said. Rumours? She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she asked him a question, she did not know if she really wanted an answer to. "W-what have you been told?"

"Just that this kid left you for some reason - everyone seems to know that you two were close".

She gasped. How embarrassing! The whole school knew! "Well, actually it's complicated..." she started, but cut herself off. Really? Was it really that complicated to find the time once in a while to visit her if he cared enough?

"You're right Nakago. He really is a bastard!" Ran didn't see the rapid flicker of the corners of his mouth and eyebrows that made his face show a feature of victory, and otherwise she would not care – this guy understood her feelings and seemed to want to ease her pain.

"You look like you could use a break – why don't you come with me to the small coffee bar a few streets away? I was heading there anyway", he tempted. Ran didn't think twice and was delighted when they went together.

-~o0o~-

A couple of weeks had passed since that afternoon and Ran was starting to become good friends with this Nakago. He made her smile and forget the pain and anger of missing Shinichi for a little while. He made her existence bearable again. Well, Conan was good company too and she had come to look at him as her little brother, but talking to him was never the same as talking to someone of the same age. What could young Conan probably know about love?

Much more than she thought. Shinichi, trapped in the body of a little boy, knew a whole lot more about love than she could ever imagine, but he could never let her know - she would be in great danger. He surely wasn't blind to her everyday evolving friendship with this new guy and he hated it to his bones. As often as he could he snuck out to spy on them, but he always regretted after hearing their joyful conversations and seeing the slowly returning fervour in Ran's eyes that he had missed seeing for so long. She seemed so happy with him; she smiled and laughed a lot. When did she smile the last time with him as Shinichi? Now that he thought about it, it seemed like he always made her cry... _Maybe this is better for her_, he thought. _Maybe she should be with him. She deserves much better than me if I am only capable of hurting her..._ The thought made him sick. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that she might be better off with this new guy, he still felt like she was _his_ Ran, the love of his life. _But she would get to choose for herself_, he reminded himself. _And what if I'm never going to get my old body back?_ He shivered at the thought. No, he had to find the laboratory of The Black Organization and get the poison for Agasa to indentify in order to produce an antidote – and that fast!

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><p><em>(1) Turning page – sleeping at last<em>  
><em>(2) Yup that's right – Nakago from fushigi yuugi! Or at least his spirit<em>

**Okay what do you think?**

**I know it's a little pinky so far, but I promise it will get better ;-) Chapter 2 contains the blood. Or at least some of it...**

**As for the grammar: English is not my native language, but please comment on my spelling mistakes so I can improve :-)**


	2. Frenger

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**Like a said, this is going to be an M-rated fic, starting from this chapter! You have been warned.**

**I'm sorry, Faithful Girl 193, but there was no other way... :(**

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><p><strong>Ch2, Frenger<strong>

_Nakago's plan was working. It was a piece of cake for him. Using a heartbroken girl for his own sake was not exactly a new thing for him. He was about to change Ran's life irrevocably, but about that he had no scruples..._

-~o0o~-

It was getting late at the detective agency of Mouri; Conan and Kogoro starting to grow hungry. "She's taking her time today, huh?" Kogoro complained. In fact, they could not remember the last time Ran had been out for so long and it bothered Conan. He knew that she would rather head home to take care of her hungry father than gad around in town. Although Kogoro did not always treat her with the respect she deserved. He could be quite cruel when he was drunk, which happened regularly. _How is it possible to not love her?_ Conan sighed. _If she were my wife I would definitely treat her like... Shinichi! Cut it off! You don't know if she even loves you..._

Dinner time went by without any hint of Ran, but it was not the time Conan was concerned about. He had this strange feeling... As if something was not as it should be. At first he had tried to ignore it, but it continued bothering him. Did he forget something? Hmm no, that seemed not to be the case...

Suddenly panic hit him as he felt a shiver down his spine. The Black Organization! Had they already found out that he was still alive? He could swear he had been seeing mysterious looking people behind every corner lately. And now they must have taken Ran as a hostage!  
>His shoulders dropped a bit. No, it was not the men in black either… The feeling still nagging. He was just being paranoid. <em>Come on, Shinichi, think!<em>

_But how come Ran isn't home yet?_ She hadn't left any note this morning about being out late. _I bet she's with that bastard again!_ He felt rage erupt in him every time he came to think of Nakago. He would hate to spy on them again; to see her so happy with him always left him depressed. But something was wrong. Very wrong. In a weird way, he felt that this strange feeling had something to do with her and it made him anxious.

_Wait for me, Ran..._ He thought to himself as he pulled on a jacket and left the agency with no words to Kogoro. "Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Kogoro yelled. _Shit, I've totally forgotten that I'm a little boy now. _"Um, nowhere uncle, I'll be back in a sec!" he lied and quickly made his way out. "Don't you..." Kogoro threatened, but was cut off by the smack of the door._…Dare, brat!_ _That boy drives me crazy,_ he thought as he uncapped another beer.

-~o0o~-

_Meanwhile in school  
><em>"Are you on your way home? Let's walk together!" Nakago caught up with Ran as she stepped outside in the cold, fresh air of the early night – it was the time of year when the darkness of the cold winter forced the sun down beneath the horizon in the afternoon, covering the surroundings in a thick carpet of what seemed like impenetrable darkness. She had stayed a little while at school to finish some homework and was now heading back home to cook for her father – the great detective who could barely reheat a leftover. She looked up at the sparkling sky, noticing an orange shadow around the moon and figured it might be frosty this night, slightly shivering at the thought. It was not the first time Nakago had been walking her home, but she began to worry about whether or not he might put more into this than she wanted him to. He was so nice to her and she had come to think of him as a good friend, but nothing more. Although she was angry with Shinichi for leaving her alone like that, she knew that her heart still belonged to him. Undeniably.

She decided to walk home alone this time in an attempt to make it clear to Nakago that she did not want him too close. "Oh Nakago, it's okay, actually I'm kind of in a hurry tonight... See you tomorrow!" Nakago frowned and made a disappointed face. "Alright, then I'll try to keep up", he grinned. _Not this time_, Ran thought to herself. "No really it's okay, I better get going..." With a smile she turned away from him.

That was the signal he had been waiting for. It all happened so fast.

With a sudden movement he grabbed her arm, spun her around and forced her on her knees. "You are not going anywhere sweetheart!" He said with a frenzied, almost crazy look in his eyes. This was his favourite part. "W-wha..?" Was all she managed to say before he quickly neutralized any attempt to fight back by pulling her arms tightly onto her back in an almost unnaturally position, and stuffed her mouth with a piece of fabric he'd hidden in his pocket for this very purpose. He could easily have poisoned it with anaesthetics to make this easier, but he wanted to play with her; he wanted her to fight back, to struggle as if it was a matter of life and death – and maybe it was. The fighting made him very excited.

With a strong arm hold he dragged her across the cold and muddy ground, to an old deserted shed in the corner of the school yard. He didn't care that she landed head first. Ran felt a hard knock on her head and for a moment all she saw was endless darkness, and she felt an increasing nausea that she could not ignore. She threw up violently, but that didn't seem to stop Nakago from what he was doing, and the terror only increased as she saw him close the door behind them. The small shed had obviously not been used in ages; spider webs and a thick layer of dust covered the piles of old, rusty tools, and one had to be careful not to get cut by something sharp or pointy. There wasn't a lot of space.

"Nice of you to come and play with me, Ran-sweety! I can't tell you how much I've looked forward to this", he said with a mad voice. "If you behave I might be gentle... Then again, maybe not", he added, leaving Ran panicking on the floor with her arms twisted behind her back. She had never seen this coming and as the reality slowly became clear, she panicked. Strength, she did not know she had, erupted in her and gathered in a series of kicks and punches that could have knocked out anyone, but Nakago seemed to be used to this kind of fighting and got only more excited. "Oh, so you want it rough? Fine by me!" In seconds he was on top of her, quickly removing her skirt. Her screaming and fighting made no difference. Ran couldn't think anymore. She was terrified to her core. She could barely move, and the blood loss from the open wound in her head made her dizzy and nauseous. In one last try, she gathered the rest of her strength in a powerful attack, but failed and fell to the ground.

Her horrifying cry of pain ripped the air and would have made even the tiniest hairs stand up from the skin of a listener, but nobody on the deserted school heard her. An insane, sharp pain penetrated her most inner parts without the least consideration for the consequences, as Nakago spread her legs and invaded the most vulnerable part of her body. The fact that she was dry as the dessert only added a sandpaper-like feeling. Paralyzed by the burning feeling of her lower body, she couldn't do anything but wait for him to finish his business. She couldn't move, nor feel her legs at all, but the pain from his erected member inside her got worse as he sped up his pace. "That's right, good girl", he moaned. Noticing the blood on her inner thigh, he realized that she must have been a virgin. _What a catch!_ He thought to himself as it drove him even further in his excitement. Every thrust felt like knives, cutting her open, over and over again. Ran couldn't take anymore and was about to faint when finally, _finally_, he couldn't hold it any longer and collapsed, sweaty, on top of her reaching climax.

For a long moment the only noise disturbing the silence was Nakago's heavy breathing, trying to get back to normal. A few moments were all it took for him to get up. Filled with pride he watched the scenery as if he considered it his masterpiece. "I see this 'Shinichi'," he pronounced the name with a smirk, "did not have the guts to take your virginity. I wonder if he's man enough to come and look for you now, sweet Ran," he said, whispering the last part. Satisfied with himself he got out and locked the door behind him, leaving her alone in the icy shed to die. He disappeared just as fast as he had emerged.

The burning and pounding feeling of her mistreated body was unbearable, and with absolutely no strength or sense of reality left, she surrendered to the blur and lost consciousness.

-~o0o~-

Conan noticed his breath turn into a hot steam when he stepped outside in the cold, fresh air. _Brr, the winter has arrived early this year. _The cloud ceiling that had recently functioned as a duvet above the earth, keeping the temperature right above zero, was gone this night. The sparkling, starry sky it revealed, gave a beautiful, but ice-cold gleam to the town. In the full moon's bright light one clearly saw how the surroundings were about to ice over; one would have to be careful not to fall on the slippery roads.

Not sure where to head, he instinctively followed the road to the centre of town. _If she's with Nakago, they're probably somewhere at the library. She really cares for her homework. _Conan sped up, trying to keep warm. On the way to the library was the school, which he couldn't avoid passing by. _Well, they could still be in there, though… Aw man, I'll place a tracker on her butt! Where on earth is she?_

Slightly disheartened he looked down onto the ground – and saw to his big surprise, strange mud tracks. _Wow, what's happened here?_ _Could look like some kid got in trouble; maybe bullied_, he wondered. As he bent down to have a closer look, he noticed that the mud was not quite as frozen as the surroundings. Whatever happened must have happened recently. As the detective he was, he could not ignore the excitement of a new mystery and had to check. The muddy tracks led him into the school yard.

Conan gave a jump and froze to the spot; his heart must have skipped a beat. A small, glittery piece of metal, shining in the bright moon light, had caught his attention and he immediately recognized it as Ran's lucky charm. She always wore it on a string attached to her mobile, which she rarely let out of her sight. He knew it belonged to her; he himself had given it to her, that time many years ago... He started to get scared. The muddy tracks, Ran's charm... Had something happened to her? It seemed a little too coincident... Then he followed the muddy tracks, leading him to an old shed in a corner of the yard. The door was locked with a heavy padlock, but the trails revealed that someone had been there recently. He felt his throat tighten as if he was afraid of getting an answer to the question he was about to ask.

"Ran, are you in there? Can anyone hear me? It's me, Conan..."

Silence.

That strange feeling from before, when he thought that something was wrong and it had to do with Ran, now came back at full throttle. Firmly convinced that she was in there, for some reason not capable of answering, he desperately tried to open the door. "Ran! Answer me! I'm coming in!" In one quick movement he activated his power kick boots, found a heavy object at the size of his hand and smashed it into the lock, which immediately splintered and cracked the door open. In seconds he forced his way through – and stopped breathing.

What he saw made his world crash around him. He found her half naked on the floor, smeared in blood, unconscious and suffering from severe hypothermia.

"RAN! No, no, NO! Ran can you hear me? Look at me!"

No response.

He sighed as he found her very weak pulse, but the relief didn't last long. When he saw the extent of her injuries, it gradually became clear to him what she must have been subjected to.

He didn't notice when heavy tears started to stream down his face...

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><p><strong>Should I continue?<strong>


	3. Just about enough

**Thanks for the reviews! Can't get enough of them :-)**

**I've updated this chapter because the old one was terrible. I think this improved one is WAY better and the cliff hanger is just evil, ****muhaha.**

**Please let me know what you think**

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><p><strong>Ch3, just about enough<strong>

_Nice cloud; looked so pleasant. Soft, fluffy, comfortable... Above the clouds the sun was always shining, nice and warm. Sometimes the golden rays hit the porous steam in a way that created the most beautiful play of colours in the volatile drops. It was just a wonderful place to be._

_She was weightless and drifted around like in a dream, as light as a feather. It was quite liberating; no worries. Without noticing, she slowly descended until she hovered just above a well-known building. She recognized it as her childhood home, and in one of the rooms she found her parents – both of them – smiling together with a little girl; Ran as 4 years old. They played and laughed and had a lot of fun, and it made a blur of memories and feelings occur through her body. She had almost forgotten those happy hours, that time many years ago when her parents still lived together. It had been such a long time... _"Why am I feeling this sad? Aren't you supposed to be all happy when you're dead? Or am I not dead after all?"_ she asked herself confused._

_With a jerk the picture changed and she eyed herself again, this time in kindergarten playing with a boy the same age. The sight of him made her heart race, but she couldn't tell why. Who was this boy? She had the feeling as if she should remember, but was unable to. She watched how her little self, furious and with crossed arms, scolded him for climbing the shelves and messing with the carpets when he played one of his 'detective games' again; searching for hints that shouldn't be there: "Stop it! You know you're going to get in trouble with the grown-ups! Hey, I've got a better idea! Let's play hide-and-seek!" To that he answered, that he would rather practice his solo soccer tricks than play with stupid girls. "You're always so mean, Shinichi!" she responded, offended._

"Shinichi? Is that his name? But who is he?"_ Ran kept asking herself. The sound of his name made her feel... nostalgic? Was that the word? But why did he seem that important to her if he was obviously that rude?_

_Once again the scenery changed within a fraction of a second, but this time she didn't see anything in particular, she rather felt. Everything was a big mess and her world spun round. The negative feelings dominated and she didn't like them. The more she tried to shake them off, the better hold they got on her. She was overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness; an empty loneliness as if she was all alone in the world. A feeling of bitter hatred, even though she couldn't remember the reason. Of fear that something terrible was about to happen and an absorbing horror.  
>Finally the terror culminated in panic when the ground collapsed under her feet and she fell down an endless, black hole with a scream...<em>

-~o0o~-

Ran woke with a start, wet from sweating and confused. She didn't remember anything at all. She looked around and discovered that she had a violent headache and serious pain throughout her body. The room was clinically white with all sorts of instruments and equipment covering the walls from one end to the other; she was in a single bed ward at hospital.  
>Something dark caught her blurred sight as she tried to focus and she saw Conan who sat sleeping, hunched over her bed by her side. It was his dark, tousled hair that stood in clear contrast to the bright room which had caught her attention.<p>

A wrong movement made a wave of pain shake through her body; she cringed and he woke up. For a brief moment they only looked at each other.

Finally Conan broke the silence; "What a relief, you're awake. Are you alright?" _Of course she's not, idiot!_ He scolded himself.

"Um, I don't know, actually... What happened? Why are we here?"

_She doesn't remember. This is bad._

"Well, um..." _How can I possibly tell her?_ "You... err... Nakago... he..." _Please, forgive me, Ran… _His eyes revealed a deep sorrow.

The sound of Nakago's name rang a bell, and like a lightning bolt everything came back to her. Every little detail... That night when he had surprised her, abducted her and... An overpowering nausea erupted and she shrew up violently. She remembered only too well the horror, the pain, the cold… With a bitter taste in her mouth she relived the horrifying incident in her thoughts while hot tears burned in her eyes and her body ached, if possibly, even worse.

Disgusted. She was deeply disgusted with herself and felt dirty; an overwhelming urge to shower. That was when she remembered Conan's presence again. He looked like he had an elephant on his shoulders; somewhat depressed. _How... Why..?_ So many questions on her mind, didn't know how to start. But one thing did she realize: _Oh no, Conan knows…_

This was the final straw. She started trembling. She couldn't even stand herself, and now Conan knew everything… Not caring about the insane pain it brought to move, she threw herself out of the bed – away from everything in a moment of panic, but underestimated the drowsiness from the morphine and instead fell to the ground with a loud crash, with tubes and other hospital equipment landing on top of her.

"Ran! Don't!" Conan immediately rushed to her side. "I'm so sorry, Ran, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you…" Murmuring something about 'what a great detective', Conan embraced her against her will. "Don't look at me! Stay away!" she cried. "Just don't look at me…" She was too disgusted with herself to let anyone near, but at the same time she needed someone to tell her that it was all right. He didn't obey, staying away, but she didn't try to fight him off, either. Hugging her even tighter, for a long, tender moment they just sat on the floor, sharing their sorrow.

What she had been subjected to hadn't only changed her life irrevocably, but his as well. He had honestly believed that he was the smartest detective for miles around, invincible, until it was proved otherwise. He discovered only too soon how blind he actually had been when it came to the ones he loved. How vulnerable he was to the Organization. How great a danger Ran really was in…

-~o0o~-

A nurse rushed in; an alarm had gone off when Ran tore the tubes and equipment off. "Oh my! Never expected to find you on the floor! Come dear, let me help you up," she said. With the experienced grip of a medic, Ran was quickly back in her bed. "I see you're awake and mobile, that's great", the nurse said with a smile, "but what were you doing on the floor?"

"Well, um..." Ran started, blushing, not knowing how to put into words that she had attempted to flee.

"It's alright, it doesn't matter right now, but your fall must have hurt? I'll have to check up on the painkillers again", the nurse said, trying to comfort her. It worked; Ran calmed down a bit, but only until the nurse popped the next question: "I know this may be tough, but I need to know if you remember anything, dear?" A hard knot in her chest strangled her voice and she could only nod. Indeed she remembered.

"At least that's a good sign; seems like your head is fine. How are you feeling?"

"..."

"Nevermind, we can talk when you are ready. Okay, I think you need to rest now, I'll be back later. I know it's easy for me to say, but please try to get some sleep. It will do you good. If you need anything just push the button there and I'll be right here", the nurse instructed. "You should probably let her rest too" she said addressing Conan.

"I'm staying here!" he refused.

"She needs to recover and..." She was cut off with a: "I said I'll stay!". No doubt he meant it.

Astounded, Ran felt his willpower. In that moment he seemed so mature - too grown up for that little body. It reminded her of someone she knew... when things got serious, he could be just as stubborn. _I wonder where he is right now... Shinichi..._ She missed him desperately and wanted him to forgive her weakness, that she had been angry with him, that she had let Nakago too close, that she had let him do this to her... She didn't care about the fact that she had been horribly abused and forced against her will, all she knew was that she had been too weak to defend herself against the incident as well as his seduction. She needed Shinichi in this moment, but she feared facing him at the same time.

The nurse gave up and left the room, leaving the two of them on their own. None of them knowing what to say, they disappeared into their own thoughts. Ran had a lot of time to think and a million questions on her mind: Where did Conan come from? How did he know about Nakago? Where is Nakago actually? …And why me? _Why exactly me? _

-~o0o~-

_The following days seemed to pass in slow-motion; like in a trance. This wasn't exactly wrong, either. Both the drowsiness from the morphine and the repercussions of the ugly assault contributed to Ran's surreal state of mind. She barely noticed her dad's visit. Just as well; it nearly ended in a restraining order because he threatened to beat up the male staff members if they dared approach her… He couldn't stand when the opposite sex advanced on his daughter – regardless if it was a long-term boyfriend or a quite innocent health worker – and regardless if it was actual advances or not, it often resulted in pretty awkward situations._

_Conan hadn't let her out of sight even once, and even at night he kept her under constant surveillance. He had noticed the change; even a blind man could see that she was off, but he had no idea of what she was struggling with._

A peaceful silence reigned in the room. It was night and Conan had fallen asleep in a chair by her side. After keeping awake for a record breaking amount of time in the past two intensive days, sleep finally overpowered him and he couldn't resist anymore. After all, his body was that of a little boy's and with a child's need for sleep.

Ran on the other hand couldn't find rest and was haunted by flashbacks she couldn't get rid of. She remembered a dream... Something about her and her parents having fun in her early childhood. Why was it, that the two very persons that once created her, couldn't stand the sight of each other? It hadn't always been like that. In the beginning they were a happy nuclear family, but when did it go wrong? At some point their relationship broke and her mother moved to another home, but they got never officially separated: they still wear their wedding ring today. Why? Was it because of her? Maybe she was that big a problem that they couldn't handle her together, but maybe there was a chance for a reunited future when she finally became old enough to move out of home? Was that the reason? After her mother moved out she had been as meek as a lamb and never ever again wanted to be the source of trouble. It was her private theory that their marriage failure was her fault, at least partly, and she hadn't even shared it with Sonoko, who was the one person who knew everything about her.

There was nobody there to stop her train of thought and get her back to reality. One thought provoked the other and so it escalated into a big misunderstanding: Her parent's internal fights had actually nothing to do with her – it was the two of them having trouble uniting Kogoro's a little too pretty-girl-loving side and Eri's quite 'iron-lady' behaviour. Ran was really the reason why they still saw each other. It was never her fault.

_And that damn Kudo..._ Ran continued angrily. What did she really see in him? He was just being rude towards her if not ignoring her completely: every time she called him he couldn't find time to talk or he did only talk about himself; never did he ask how she was doing. His new gained fame had indeed gone to his head, she growled. And when was the last time she had seen him for real? A month ago? He kept saying that there was something he needed her to know and she had been so certain that it was the same thing she wanted to tell him, but that was at least 6 months ago, so how serious could it be? How stupid had she been...

Depression was a new experience to her. Her whole life she had always tried to keep in high spirits, trying to make the positive of any situation. A man makes his own fortune, she believed. Even when things were at their worst, she kept smiling at the world, but now she wasn't able to maintain that facade anymore. It was a fact that even a barely visible crack is enough to burst a bloated balloon, and that crack Nakago had just applied. The facade cracked and it was as if years of repressions and restrained feelings now blew up at full throttle, and she was just unable to control it.

She struggled with all this on her own because she was too ashamed to tell anyone. Only Conan, who was the one who had found her, and her dad, who was required to be informed by law, knew. Not even Sonoko could know and she didn't like bothering Kazuha either.

At last it became too much; Ran couldn't take anymore. She didn't want to. The traumatic rape had grown too big for her to handle and adding the frustrating situation about Shinichi… Well, she had trusted Nakago, told him secrets she didn't want anybody else to know, had laughed and had fun with him, and then he did this to her, in the most brutal way. Once again she had been left, and now also betrayed, by a man she trusted. No, she just couldn't take anymore.

Growing more and more frustrated with every horrible memory she surrendered to the hopeless feeling and could only think of one way to end it.

She jumped up all of a sudden and forgot about the drip in her hand that provided her with painkillers and other liquids to stabilize her existence; it was torn apart and the pain made a small cry escape her lips while drops of blood trailed her escape.

The bustle had been loud enough to wake up Conan. _Huh? I thought I heard something…_ Almost as a routine he checked her bed to make sure everything was alright.

Empty.

_Man, I must have been fast asleep. When did she leave?_ Still groggy from sleep he got up to look for her.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the blood stains on the floor trailing across the room from the other side of the bed to the slightly open door. He surely hadn't count on finding that and immediately suspicion filled his mind with vivid worst-case scenarios.

He'd just seen too many cases involving blood and death to not know what that could mean. It happened regularly that a murderer regretted his action, if it wasn't an accident, or that he'd planned to take out both the victim and himself; death was just a common term in Shinichi's world. Of course this whole thing with Ran wasn't about murder, but the trauma that seemed to haunt her was quite comparable. At least she must have felt like dying.

He'd seen traumatized people before and he knew just too well what they could attempt to do if the situation got out of control. He'd been afraid that Ran was slowly coming to that particular state of trauma where she might start hurting herself, but as always when it came to the love of his life: He never knew her next move.

Conan tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry.

Cutting.

As fast as he could he sprinted to the women's restroom, convinced that she would be in there, cutting herself. She'd probably done it while he was asleep and had escaped to the toilets when it started bleeding too much. Cutting was "a common way" for people in deep psychological pain to get a break: Transforming the unbearable pain which could be so hard to ease, and even harder to cure, to a much more manageable physical kind of pain could be quite a release. The sharp, physical pain from when one cut oneself in the wrist was a different and a lot easier pain to handle although it only lasted for a short amount of time.

But cutting was dangerous; if one didn't know what they were doing, one could easily cut too deep and server the main artery. The result: Said one would quickly bleed to death.

"Ran!" He yelled when he reached the restroom, sure to find her in one of the stalls.

Only an echoing silence greeted him.

Having checked all of the empty stalls, he was confused. _What..? I was so certain... Come on, you wannabe detective! Pull yourself together! You can't afford being that reckless just because you don't like the truth! The truth that... maybe..._ Ran would be trying to hurt herself. Just the thought made him sick. He would _never_ let that happen.

Taking a deep breath and walking back to the ward, he inspected the drops of blood once again, this time calming down and doing it properly. This was probably just a coincidence; wherever Ran would be, she surely had nothing to do with the blood. Nothing at all. Not a damn thing... _Stop lying to yourself already!_ A part of him hissed when his trained eyes noticed a tiny contour of one of the drops that he'd missed in his panic before. It was smeared over a larger area than the adjacent ones and had small grooves in a pattern of a semicircle. It looked very much like a print of a heel and Conan quickly searched for more of those prints. If she had stepped on the blood on her way out of the room, which was quite inevitable, there should be more of those marks to follow – and he soon found it; the trail of blood marks that would hopefully tell him where she had gone.

Unfortunately the trail quickly fainted and completely vanished in front of the main floor exit. Well the exit lead to great wide world – she could be long gone by now. Right before hopelessness hit him, a flicker in the corner of his eyes caught his attention: _Hey what's that? One of the elevators are in use_, he rationalized by watching the digital sign that showed which floor the elevator was heading at. _Strange, traffic in or out this section normally occurs at daytime..._ As he put two and two together it struck him: _Shoot! This is not happening!_ _No, no, no, no, no, no! _This time in real panic, he quickly flew up the stairs, chasing the ascending elevator and found it empty on the top floor. He had a suspicion where Ran would be, and confirmed it when he entered the wind-swept, ice-cold roof of the hospital.

What happened next seemed just surrealistic.

At the edge, on top of this highest building, stood Ran - ready to jump. In front of her there was a stunning panorama view of Tokyo's skyline with a palette of colours from the traffic and nightlife far beneath them, blending with a faint gradient of the early sunrise; the stars were still sparkling in competition. It was nothing less than breathtaking.

But none of them really cared.

He acted before he thought it through: "Oh, so you think this would solve the problems, yeah? Well you're wrong, moron!" He immediately regretted his harsh words, but it should turn out to be a good reaction. Ran, still in some sort of a trance, somehow noticed Conan's presence.

"It's nice… I can't feel a thing. I'm completely numb", she replied with a smile that frightened him.

"Then stay this way, in this world. If you jump now you would go to hell for leaving me!" He didn't give a damn about heaven or hell, but he knew she did.

"I'm already in hell…", she answered.

"Listen. If you jump, I'll jump too. I'm dead serious." No doubt, only stubbornness burning in his eyes. While trying to talk her out of it he quickly considered his possibilities. He couldn't shoot her with the tranquilizer; she would fall over the edge, and he definitely couldn't risk trying to run to her, the distance was too far and she would just rush into it. He felt his heart in his throat as he struggled to come up with a solution. "Ran. If you die, I'm going to kill you!" _Really!_

"Don't worry, Conan. I'm fine now. You will be too". To his greatest horror he watched as she turned away with a peaceful smile - and jumped.

"RAN! Oh my God, RAN!"

He didn't think twice as he sprinted to catch her, closing the distance in very few steps, but his little body and short legs couldn't keep up and it ended in Conan throwing himself after Ran over the edge as well.

A loud scream from surprised people filled the air as the last thing they ever expected was what happened next: A wide safety net hindered their otherwise cruel fate and they only fell one storey down. Of course, this was a hospital in the heart of Tokyo – one of the most high-tech cities in the world; the Japanese people were experts in engineering and prevention of catastrophes – let it be natural disasters or suicide candidates. _Of course_ the hospital was secured for suicide candidates. A wide net underneath them stretched a couple of meters perpendicular to the building, all the way around it and a few meters vertically upwards to prevent said candidate to escape the net.

'Of course! Why didn't I think of that!' The detective would have thought if he wasn't too stunned to think. A long moment of complete silence passed, both trying to digest what had just happened. Conan was the first to regain the ability to talk:

"WHAT THE **HELL** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!"

Or rather yell...

Ran didn't answer; she was just as shocked as him. She couldn't believe that she was still alive. Her existence was just unbearable and now Conan had prevented her from finally finding peace. It just couldn't be true.  
>Still high on adrenaline she desperately tried to find a way out of the safety net.<p>

"Stop it already! Didn't I make myself clear that I'll follow you to death if necessary?" Conan threatened in disbelief.

"You shouldn't have come after me, Conan! Let me go! You don't know what this is like..."

"Actually I think I do... Shinichi once told me -" Conan started, but was cut off by a furious Ran:

"You don't know anything! Oh, and since you two are so good friends you can tell that deduction freak that I hope he'll rot up in cases!" It came out much harder than she'd meant it to, but the meaning was unmistakable and it hurt him more than a punch in the face would have done.

"Ran..." He didn't know how to respond to that. _This isn't right... It wasn't supposed to be this way!_ Struggling to prevent Ran from finding an escape out of the safety net he realized that he wouldn't be able to hold her much longer and something needed to be done immediately. Normally he was quite good at keeping a cool head in dangerous situations, but this was different. He was about to lose Ran again and that made him panic; when you panic you don't think straight. Cursing his tiny body for not being as strong as he was used to as Shinichi he could only come up with one idea that would definitely make Ran think twice. At least for a moment.

Well there were really no alternatives, were there? It was just a matter of time before she managed to climb up the net and once again over the edge - this time final.

_She's giving me no choice! _If this worked, so be it. He _had_ to try.

Taking a deep breath, he said with the most calmed voice he could manage: "Listen. If my deduction is correct then this is pretty much about Shinichi, right?" He said, trying to keep her attention just a little longer. It worked.

"All this time you were right. I now realize I should have told you much sooner... But please understand my reasons; I just wanted you safe... Please let me explain". With those words he swallowed the temporary antidote that Haibara had given him for emergency. Immediately the well-known shock in the chest returned and it forced him down on his knees. Ran had seen those spasms before on both Conan and Shinichi, and it frightened her every time. He was obviously in deep pain - sweating bullets in the frosty air. Her caring nature took over for a second and she was ripped out of her fury as she worried about her 'little brother'.

"Conan! What's happening? Say something!"

Through clenched teeth he stuttered something like: "Please understand..."

"Seriously what's wrong, Conan?" She hated to not being able to do anything when he was obviously not feeling well, and the fact that he was clutching his chest where his heart would be located frustrated her even more; this kind of pain was just not normal. She hadn't paid any attention to the pill he swallowed and to her it seemed like this was coming out of the blue, just like the other times. Moaning in pain and panting harder by every minute he reminded her of a ticking bomb that was about to blow off. She couldn't stand seeing him in that situation and intuitively placed a soothing hand on his back as if to tell a boy his age that he shouldn't be scared, but immediately sprung away as it elicited a gigantic chock that had him cry out loud in the silent night.

Before she could really get to help him, it was suddenly all over. At once the spasms stopped; the transformation was done.

For a long, intense moment only the two of them existed in the world. Everything was suddenly forgotten.

At the spot where Conan had just been a second ago, crouched and racked with pain, now was Shinichi in the flesh, halfway broken out of Conan's clothes.

Still panting hard, he took the opportunity to explain before she got a chance to make wrong conclusions. Doubled up and with closed eyes, his hand still clutching his chest, he got control of his voice – now his own, mature voice – and began the explanation: "I need you to listen, Ran. That day at Tropical Land – I'm sure you remember it – when I snuck after those suspicious men, it happened that they were part of an extremely dangerous organization. They caught me and I was forced on a pill that should have me killed. Instead, it made me shrink into a little boy..." He had this little speech prepared for month, not that he counted on telling her, but because he simply couldn't help it. Ran heard what he was saying, but she just couldn't believe it. She wondered if she was hallucinating or if she was actually dead after all? Shaking, her legs gave in and she fell to her knees too, her hands covering her mouth to suppress a surprised outburst.

Shinichi continued on explaining: "I panicked and I never wanted all this to happen, believe me! But I needed a way to get access to the detective files in order to find the men and somehow get an antidote, and – what else could I do? Can you imagine what the Organization would do if they found out my identity? They would kill everyone I ever cared for and..."

Everything suddenly made sense to Ran. Why Shinichi hadn't asked her how she was doing even once in the entire period of his absence – he already knew. Why Conan had seemed too brilliant for a child. Why he and Shinichi always seemed so connected – they were the same person. The fact that he hadn't left her at all, that he'd been right beside her the whole time only confirmed his somewhat confession about his feelings for her back in London#. She hadn't been able to tell if it had really been a confession or just her deluded mind, but now there was no doubt left. He had really meant it. Hesitantly, she dropped one hand from her mouth to her front as if to reach out for him in an almost invisible move, not sure if this was really happening, if it was really _real_.

"...I'm just so close to finding a cure and... Oh great, now I screwed up once again! Say something, you hot-head! I don't like that expressionless face of yours. Normally you go berserk on me for no reason..." Turning the awkward situation into a more familiar potential fighting one was just a bad habit of his.

But that was just the Shinichi she knew and loved. Overwhelmed by relief she flung her arms around his neck in a strangling hug, not ever again wanting to let go.

And he wouldn't have let her if she wanted to.

* * *

><p><em>#: Episode 752 A troublesome tough case<em>

**Evil ay? :D **

**So next up is "taking out the Black Organization" and I could still _really_ use some ideas of how to do that. Speaking of which, ****I would like to apologize for my low update frequency, but I'm a really busy woman at the moment.. However, I intent to finish this fic so ****please ****stay tuned ****:-)**


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